Worth It
by kaz456
Summary: A few years after the Johnny and Dally situation, Ponyboy finds himself wrapped up in another adventure, one that turns into a quest to find himself.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: New story, but this is one I actually plan on finishing. Thanks for taking the time to read it, and I'd appreciate it if you would drop me a line in a review. Thanks again; enjoy the story.**

**Disclaimer: The characters all are S.E. Hinton's and I'm not making any money off of them.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1  
**

After sixteen years, the only thing I have ever learned that I am completely sure about is that this life is overrated.

Fate doesn't look kindly on anyone. I used to think that she was nicer to the rich people, but now I know that in the end it's all the same. You live, you die, and that's that. And then the people in your life who befriended you are left to go on without you. Dying, when you think about it, is pretty easy. The hard part is living on.

When I was younger, I believed in life. I believed in life and in fate and in people, in sunsets and sunrises and nature. But things change. And slowly, I grew older and I started to see the world as it really is.

This is a world full of natural disasters waiting to unfold at any moment. Tornadoes and fires and hurricanes and cyclones. And if the natural disasters don't get you, then the people will. Everywhere you go, there's someone who could kill you.

This is a world where the poor and the rich are both unhappy, where the good and bad both die young.

This is a world where everything is nothing, and there's nothing that can be everything.

This world is one big joke, and I still haven't figured out the punch line.

* * *

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There was hot, humid, Oklahoma air. There was a piercing sun, and a windless, cloudless, day. There was an empty lot, a pack of crumpled cigarettes, a half – finished bottle of Pepsi, a pencil and some paper. And there was me.

Third day of summer vacation, and I was soakin' up every moment of it. The last school year hadn't been too tough, but all the same I was more than glad to be done with it.

I picked up a cigarette, twirled it idly between my fingertips, stretched out, and thought. The lot had officially become my thinking spot. I was pretty sure that I was the only one who used it. A few years ago, it would have been dangerous for me to be there, but things with the Socs, or the Socials, had cooled down. And the rest of the gang, who had used to spend a lot of time there, just wasn't as interested in it anymore.

In fact, the gang wasn't really a gang anymore. We still hung out, and we were still loyal to each other, but the truth was that everyone was growin' up and growin' apart. We didn't need each other like we used to.

That's part of life - growin' up and movin' on. My problem, though, was that I hadn't done either.

"Ponyboy!"

I looked up and saw Sodapop ambling towards me, hands jammed in his pockets. He threw me his classic movie-star grin. "Pony, where ya been?"

"Right here."

He laughed good-naturally. "Guess I should have seen that answer, huh?" He didn't wait for a reply, instead choosing to sprawl out on the ground next to me. "Glory, but it's hot outside. Why the heck have you been sitting here?"

"No reason," I told him.

I looked at Soda, spread out on the ground without a care in the world. Soda had changed, but only in the good ways. At nineteen, he was older and more responsible – the latter partly due to his and Steve's recent appointment as co-managers of the DX. But he was still the same laughing, smiling, charming, good-looking Sodapop that he had always been.

And hell, I guess I was still wishing I was like him.

"Hey, Soda, why ain't you at work?"

He raised himself up on his elbows and cocked an eyebrow – that old trick that I would never learn. "What, an older brother can't stop by and see his little brother once in awhile?"

I didn't say anything, just looked at him and waited.

He laughed again. I swear, Sodapop can't get through one day without smiling or laughing. But maybe that's a good thing. "Alright, I'll 'fess up. I got myself a date tonight with Carly. I left early so I could go get ready. But I figured I would stop by here and check up on my kid brother before going home."

"I ain't a kid, Soda."

"I know, but I just never get tired of sayin' that."

I snorted in response. "Well, I get tired of hearing it. Why'd you leave work so early? It can't be much later than two."

Soda cast me an incredulous look. "Two? Where have you been, Pony? It's half-past four!"

I was surprised, but not disappointed. What did it really matter to me if it was two or half-past four, anyway? It wasn't like I had anything to do. I shrugged and stood up to go.

Soda stood up, too. "Wait," he said. "Dontcha want your stuff?"

I looked behind us at the cigarettes, the paper, the pencils, and the Pepsi. "Nah," I told him. "I'll get it tomorrow."

"You sure it won't get stolen?"

I looked over the empty lot again. "Yeah. It ain't worth nothin'."

We started walking home, and I wondered if the words I had uttered referred to the items, the lot, or my life.

* * *

"Dinner's in the oven, Ponyboy, ya hear?" Darry meticulously combed his damp hair and made eye contact with me through the bathroom mirror.

"Yeah, I hear ya."

"There's chocolate cake in the fridge, but Soda made it. You know how he likes to put too much sugar. If he keeps going at that rate, he'll die before he even turns twenty." Darry put the comb down and studied his reflection. His eyes found mine again. "It ain't certain, but I'd be willing to bet that neither of us will be home before midnight at the least. Maybe one or two."

I nodded. "Okay."

"And after you eat dinner, don't forget to wash the dish you eat with. This house may not be clean, but we might as well make sure that the kitchen is." He finished examining himself, and smoothed out his shirt, a sign that he's done getting ready. I followed him out into the living room and waited for more instructions.

Darry pulled on his suit jacket and grabbed the keys to the car. That meant that he was leaving Sodapop with the truck. "Don't forget to turn the porch light off after Soda leaves." He looked around the house, almost like he was searching to see if he had left out any instructions for me. "Alright Ponyboy, I gotta get going."

"Have a good time tonight. Tell Jess I said hi."

He gave me one of his rare grins, one of the ones that made me glad that he and I got along now. "Thanks Pony. She'll be glad to hear it." He opened the door and paused a moment before he left. "It's going to be a big night." The smile on his face communicated just as much as the words he had said. He nodded to me a final time, and then left.

As if on cue, Sodapop ran out. He opened the key drawer and groaned. "Aw, blastit, Darry got to the keys first. Guess that means I'm stuck with the truck." He grabbed his jacket and hurried out the door. As he left, he shouted a "See ya, Ponyboy!" over his shoulder.

The empty house reminded me of when Soda and Darry were both in high school and would double-date together. I would always be left at home, watching out the window as my two older brothers went off to have a good time.

Even though it was a step back in time for me, it marked a big progression for my brothers. Darry, after all his tendencies to overwork and to close himself off so that no one could reach him, was in the middle of a serious relationship with a nice girl. And Soda seemed to finally have found himself a girl who appreciated who he was.

I was happy for them.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the television. It was a Friday night; there had to be something decent on.

I had just gotten comfortable when I remembered that I needed to go outside and turn the porch light on. I groaned at the thought. It wasn't that I had any particular aversion towards the porch light, it was just that I sure as heck didn't feel like getting up, especially not to go outside into the heat.

But as I stepped outside to do what Darry had said, I realized something. I was happy for my brothers – Soda finally finding love and a promotion at the same time, Darry possibly on the verge of getting himself a wife – but it felt like everyone else was moving ahead in life, and I wasn't. Even Two-Bit and Steve were going forward. Two-Bit had finally graduated high school and was thinking of looking for a job, and Steve had moved out of his parent's house and was living on his own.

But me – I was standing still, like the thick, humid, summer air. Life was passing me by.

It was nights like this that made me wish that things weren't the way they were, and nights like this that reminded me that I couldn't do anything about it.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

I was still standing out on the porch, lost in my thoughts, when Sam walked up.

"Hey there, Ponyboy," He said cheerfully. "How're you?"

Sam was a good friend of mine, the kind who might some day be my best friend if things worked out well. He was the kind of guy who you just expect to see whistling all the time, if that makes any sense. He was always in a good mood. Everyone liked him, but no one knew just why. The thing was, Sam had something about him, something that made him stand out more than your average guy. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was, but I was determined to figure it out someday.

"Not bad," I told him. "You?"

"Me? I'm doin' just fine." He smiled and leaned carefully against the wooden porch stair railing. "Tell ya what, Pony, I'm actually on my way to Merril's place for a party. Wonderin' if you wanted to join me?"

It was exactly the sort of thing that Sam would do, but I didn't feel up to it. There was something about the night that made me automatically want to say no. The thought of crowds of people rubbing up against one another, most of them blitzed off their rockers, for no other reason than for the pursuit of "fun" didn't sound too appealing to me. "Maybe some other time."

He shrugged. Sam didn't let small things get him down. "Alright, if that's what you want. But if you change your mind, you know where to find us." He started walking away from the house.

It was stupid, but I waited for a minute to see if I would hear him whistling. All I heard was the silence of the night.

I didn't really know how Sam and I had gotten to a state where we were friends. All I knew was that after the whole Johnny and Dally thing, he had been the only guy – greaser or soc – to not ask me about the whole thing at all. With that act, he had immediately won my appreciation and admiration. From that point on, we were friends.

And from that point on, he'd been there for me. When the relationship between a girl and I hadn't worked out, he was there to sit and smoke cigarettes with me. And that was just one example. I couldn't understand why, but Sam had stuck by me all the way, even when he didn't have to.

To be honest, a lot of people had stuck by me inmy life. People ranging from my brothers to some of my teachers. People who saw something in me. People who were always telling me that someday I was going places.

Well, I would sure like to know where that place was, and I wouldn't mind knowing exactly when I would start going to these places everyone was talking about, too. I didn't understand how people could look at me and see more than what I saw in myself – an average kid who smoked too much and always looked like he was waiting around for something that might never come.

It was nice outside, but I was getting hungry. I went back into the house and got my food from the oven. Darry had made wild rice and fried chicken. I took my plate of food with me to the living room and sat on the couch to watch television. I wasn't watching anything in particular; I just wanted something that would numb my brain.

The girl on the screen was crying over her boyfriend in the hospital. She had red hair that reminded me of Cherry Valance. Cherry… I didn't even know where she was these days. I missed her, though. I hadn't ever had a talk with her like the one we had had that night at the movies, but I still missed seeing flashes of her red hair and warm smile around school. When Cherry had been in Tulsa, I had known that there was at least someone who understood me. Even though the possibility of us talking had been slim, it had still always been there. Her presence had comforted me.

The people on the TV were crying. It looked like the girl's boyfriend had died. I knew right then that I needed something. I didn't know what, but I needed it. I needed adventure, I needed love, I needed joy, I needed tension, I needed life, even if I didn't know what any of those things were. Maybe I just needed to needsomething.

I yawned abruptly, and was surprised to see how tired I was.

* * *

When Darry, Soda, and I were younger, our mom used to tuck each of us into bed every night. But there was a point where Darry, and eventually Soda, began to feel like they were too old for it.

The problem for me was that I wanted to be just as tuff as my brothers, but I still wanted my mom to tuck me into bed. I knew I would have to give something up, but I didn't want to.

One night, I finally made up my mind. Just as my mom was coming into Soda's and my room, I told her that I didn't need to be tucked in anymore. She was surprised, but she didn't make a big deal out of it. I know that she was sad about it, but at the time she pretended like it didn't matter. I did the same thing.

The funny thing, though, was that neither Darry nor Soda noticed, and if they did, they didn't care about it. I had been trying to make myself seem tuff for people who weren't even looking in my direction. And in the end, I realized that it had been a dumb decision that didn't get me anywhere –I was still the same, and I had lost being tucked in by Mom.

That's what life felt like now. It felt like I had lost something – maybe not tonight, but awhile ago – and I hadn't gained anything in the loss.

The thing that kept gnawing at me was that I didn't know what I had lost.

I fell asleep that night, still not knowing.

* * *

"Ponyboy," a voice whispered insistently. "Ponyboy, wake up."

I turned over. Maybe if I ignored it, it would go away.

"Durnit, Ponyboy, I ain't kiddin' with ya. Get up, will ya?"

"Gimme a minute," I mumbled. What I really meant was that I wasn't planning on getting up anytime soon, but I figured there was no point in saying that out loud.

"There isn't enough _time_ to give you a minute!" The voice urgently whispered.

The voice wasn't deep enough to be Darry's, and it sure didn't sound anything like Soda's. Curiosity prompted me to open up my eyes, and I found myself staring straight into the face of Sam.

"Sam? What are you doing here?" I whispered, and then felt stupid for whispering. "What time is it? What's going on? Are Darry and Sodapop home?"

"It's 1: 30. I don't know if your brothers are home, but there ain't any cars outside your house. You up, Pony?"

"Yeah, I'm awake. What's goin' on?" I yawned, and it took all my strength to not fall asleep again.

I watched through blurry eyes as Sam agitatedly paced the distance of my room. "Ponyboy, I'm leaving. Are you coming with me?"

The words he said didn't register with me at first. But when they unjumbled themselves in my head, they hit me at full force. "What? What?"

"Some stuff's gone down, and I gotta get outa here. You comin'?"

I stared at him blearily, and the answer was on the tip of my tongue. And then the memory came back to me.

"_Johnny?" I called, and started when he rolled over and jumped up almost under my feet. "Come on, Johnny, we're running away."_

Johnny hadn't asked any questions.

"Come on, Pony, there isn't much time. I gotta know! Are you coming with me?"

"Yeah," I told him, and I felt mechanical but strangely alive. "Yeah, I'm coming."

**  
A/N: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, guys. There's a lot more stuff to come, and I'm looking forward to everyone coming along for the ride. Next chapter the adventure that Pony's been looking for begins (just not in the way that he might like). Questions? Comments? Snide remarks? Drop me a line in a review. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **_One year later. It's been too long, I know, but something sparked and I felt like writing this chapter. I promise I've got this thing planned out (I've had it planned out for awhile), so really, it's just about making myself update. Regarding the OC…he's only here to help Ponyboy—the story is focused mainly on Pony. Reviews are greatly appreciated, and thanks for reading.  
_

* * *

The words left my mouth and my world changed. It was as if some celestial being had been playing with the remote control of my life and had, in a fit of boredom, changed the pacing of it from "slow motion" to "fast forward."

Before I knew what was happening, Sam was dragging me out of bed and thrusting my shoes into my hand. I had hardly pulled them on before he had pushed me out my door.

We ran down the street, our feet pounding and echoing across the pavement. For a moment, it felt to me that as if this was all I had ever known: running down the street next to Sam, taking deep breaths and getting no relief from the teasingly humid air. I felt as if I was running to forever, and in the face of so much urgency it seemed ridiculous that all I could think was that maybe I should start laying off the cigarettes.

We rounded the corner of a street and I felt Sam's hand grab my shirt and yank me in the direction of a car. He opened the door to it and looked at me quickly, a sign that I should do the same.

Without a word, Sam turned on the car and started driving. He was driving in a direction that I had only gone a few times, a direction that was away from Tulsa.

It didn't seem possible to me that in a manner of minutes, everything I had known had changed. My breathing was becoming more regular, my heartbeat was slowing down, and everything was getting fuzzier. My head was pounding and nothing was making sense to me.

It was strangely funny to me that in the past, when things got too senseless, I would run away. Now I had run away and things still weren't making sense. What do you do when your solution is your problem?

"Go back t'sleep, Ponyboy. It's alright," Sam said. I wondered if he had read my mind and was answering my question before I realized how stupid that thought was.

For lack of knowing what else to do, I followed his advice.

When I next opened my eyes, the sun was up, the windows of the car were down, my head was still pounding, and Sam was whistling.

I closed my eyes real quickly, just to check that this wasn't a dream and that I was still in real life. When I was sure about that, I felt that it was okay to politely ask Sam for more information on the situation that we seemed to be in. "What the _hell_ is going on, Sam?"

He glanced over at me, a little surprised. "Hey, you're up, Ponyboy. Glory, but you slept a long time. Man, if I'd know that you were that tired, I wou-"

"What time is't?" I interrupted groggily. There was no clock in the damn car. For that matter, there wasn't a shower, refrigerator, or medicine in it, either.

Sam looked at his watch. "8:22." He went back to whistling, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. As if we weren't sitting in a car in the middle of nowhere because we were in the middle of trouble that I didn't know anything about.

"Sam, what's goin' on?" I asked rudely. I didn't care anymore how discourteous I sounded.

Sam didn't say anything, but he shot me a pointed look. It was one of those looks that was supposed to have told me something, but I didn't get what he was trying to say and that just pissed me off even more.

"Dammit, Sam, if you don't tell me where the hell we are and what the hell is going on, I swear I'll go back home!" I almost shouted.

The words had left my mouth before I realized how stupid they sounded, but not before Sam did. He laughed long and unashamedly, while I sat beside him, silently seething. "Dangit, Sam, you know what I meant!"

Sam gave me another of his looks. "Ponyboy," he said quietly. "I think ya need to calm down some."

I rested my head in my hands, painfully imagining the yelling Darry was going to give me when I got home. If I got home.

"I need to call my brothers," I realized out loud. "Darry's gonna skin me for pullin' something like this. Oh, glory. When I said I wanted adventure I didn't mean something that would get me in trouble!"

Sam shot me a curious glance but didn't say anything. It sounded like he was waiting for me to elaborate. He could go on waiting 'til the cows came home, for all I cared. I was mad and annoyed and uncomfortable and in a bad mood, and even though I wanted to blame Sam for it, reason told me that it was entirely my own fault that I was in my current position – a fact that only made me more mad, annoyed, and uncomfortable.

"How can you have an adventure without getting in trouble?" Sam mused carelessly, sounding for a moment like an echo of Two-Bit. The windows in the car were down, and the wind rustled his hair. He lifted a hand to fix it, then shrugged as it messed itself up once more.

"Easily," I muttered. "Oh, man. I'm dead meat."

"Not yet!" Sam practically chirped.

I wanted to strangle him. He must have been able to feel the tension in the air, because he quickly said, "Look, Pony, we're about to stop at a gas station. You can call your brother from there. But there ain't no use worryin' about something before it's happened, right?"

He was right, and that made me still want to strangle him. Instead, I shook my head as he pulled into the station. He had hardly stopped before I had opened the side of the door and jumped out. I stumbled over to the pay phone, felt around in my pockets for a coin, slipped it in, and waited anxiously.

"Hello?"

"Darry!" I gripped the phone tightly. "Darry, it's me. Ponyboy."

He sounded surprisingly calm. "Ponyboy. Mind tellin' me why exactly we got a visit this morning from the Brumly Boys?"

_Damnit. _I turned and looked at Sam, who was stretched out in the car, eyes closed, face tilted towards the sun. How did he manage to not have a care in the world?

"Darry, I don't know, I swear I don't! I just—Sam needed someone in the night and I went because he reminded me of…of Johnny, and I fell asleep in his car and now I don't even know where we are, and I'm sorry, but—but, _Christ,_ Darry, what do I do?"

There was bit of silence on the other line before Darry sighed. He didn't sound angry, though. "I don't know, Pony. You can come home. What am I sayin'? You _should _come home."

"I don't think I can."

"Then you shouldn't. Look, I know this sounds strange, Pony, but you've been restless lately, Soda and I have both noticed. I don't know what you need, but I think you're old enough to take care of yourself. Maybe this is what you need. I don't know, Pony, but I think you know best. Do you want to come home?"

Yes, I did. I regretted ever having left behind Tulsa and all its boredom. But somehow, I heard myself replying, "No."

"Don't then. Stay safe, Pony, but stay there with Sam. He's got a good head on his shoulders, and you're a good kid. Well," He chuckled a little. "Not so much a kid anymore."

His date with Jess the night before must have gone real well. I could hardly believe the words I was hearing. "I'm not in trouble?"

"Of course you are. You can't run off in the middle of the night and not expect to be in trouble. But for now, Pony, just… just do what you think is best, all right? I trust you." His voice suddenly sounded muffled and far away, and I realized that this wasn't the easiest thing for him to say.

"I…thanks, Darry," I said, incredulous. "I…I appreciate it. I'll try and…I don't know, I'll try."

"Stay safe, Pony. And call, at least every other day, and call as soon as you hit the nearest town." His voice resumed its usual gruff tone, but I knew better than to take it as unkind.

"I…I love ya, Darry. Tell Soda, too."

"I will. Love ya too, little buddy."

I was about to hang up when I heard him shout my name over the line.

"Yeah, Dar?"

"You get in an ounce of trouble and I'll skin you."

I nodded, satisfied, and hung up the phone. I stood there for awhile, staring at it, just contemplating all that had unfolded. Darry had just given me the go-ahead to do something completely unexpected. I was standing at a gas station, not even aware of where I was. Less than twenty-four hours ago I had been complaining about boredom, and now I wasn't sure if I'd mind going back to it.

I switched my gaze to the sky above me, where the sun was shining resiliently. My stomach growled, and I blinked, unable to take the brightness, and forced myself to look once more at Sam, who grinned at me. I took a deep breath, and then headed his way, casting one last glance at the phone and at the sun.

"You ready, Pony?" His crazy smile reminded me of Sodapop. I nodded mutely, and climbed in the car. He switched the nobb on the radio and started singing out loud.

I closed my eyes, and couldn't help but wonder, _what had I gotten myself into?_


End file.
